Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Hardest Thing…

…about moving to Florida several years ago is not being close enough to visit my niece whenever I IMG_0020want. Now, she is becoming a teenager, although not officially until next February, and is starting to show more independence. I am missing her so much. She was a huge part of my life from 2001 until 2006 when I moved away. I only get to see her when she comes down during summer vacation for about a month or so, or when I go to visit my family in MI. That’s not enough in my heart, but in my mind it is what it is.

There were several factors which led to my decision to leave Michigan. The main factor is my family here. I never got to spend much time with my paternal grandparents and now with only one grandparent remaining, dad’s mom, I felt the need to be closer to her. She will be 85 years young next month and I am lucky to still have her in my life. My father also lives in FL, as does my sister and her family, several cousins, aunts and uncles. Another factor was the weather. I was never one for colder temps and I spent 10 years in the desert southwest (Cali, Las Vegas, and Northern AZ). Returning to MI in 2001 and spending those long cold winters there was difficult on my psych and my health – I get bronchitis rather easily and have only dealt with it once in the last 4 years while dealing with it every year I was in MI. No, I don’t have COPD.

pasco Since moving down here, I have been let go from 2 very good jobs. The first one was at the end of my probation period. I think they just wanted to bring the girl I replaced back after her maternity leave and made excuses. The other one lasted almost 2 years and I was blindsided by that one. I won’t go into details here in blog-land, but it’s been a rough 2 years since that last termination. I really have no desire to work a full time job at this moment in my life, but I know that I need to so that I may become more independent. I have my Master’s of Art degree, finally, and will hopefully find a full time job within the next year. Whether it is here in Central FL or somewhere in between, only time will tell.

This past week has been an especially emotional week for me and missing my niece is not helping at all. She is a couple of years younger than what my daughter would have been (Brinea would be 15 this Dec), which is probably a big reason I became so attached to her. She is the light of my life and I know she knows how much I adore her. I only hope she doesn’t push me away too much because right now my heart is hurting. And knowing how I am responding to her growing independence I am thankful to the Lord for taking my daughter when he did because I don’t think I could have handled it at all.

Ok, that’s enough of my sob story for now. I just needed to vent somewhere and I don’t expect comments. Thank you for reading…

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