Dad came home yesterday afternoon. He is now under hospice care. He decided he is done taking chemotherapy and just wants to let the cancer run its course. He’s been spending most of the time sleeping either in his recliner or in his bed. This whole ordeal has been so hard on me emotionally. I am losing my dad and my best friend all in one fell swoop. Sometimes I don’t understand why God deals hardships on people, but then again I have to believe there is a reason. I KNOW there is a reason HE does things the way He does. I lift my dad up to the Lord in hopes that he suffers little pain over these last few days of his life. He’s been telling me for a couple months now that he feels the end of his life is near. He knows his body better than anyone with the exception of God Himself.
As for myself, I am tired. Exhausted. Emotional (although not really showing it right now). Trying to figure out my next path in life. One major decision I have made is that I will stay where I am and have my grandma move in with me. If I cut down to the bare minimums on cable and phone I should be able to pull it off. Plus, my grandma will chip in a little to help pay expenses. She will also have more peace of mind in that she won’t have to live alone anymore. I just wish this were under better circumstances.
How am I dealing? I am trying to keep my mind occupied with my cross stitching, reading the Bible, and playing games on the computer. Mundane. Sure. For the most part. However, as I was reading in Revelations yesterday I learned something and that makes a difference in the way I look at a certain part of my life history. No, I won’t share the details. I just have a better understanding of HIS reasoning during that time.
I did learn something very interesting from my dad this past week. His favorite Bible verse (well, chapter really) is Psalm 23. I think many people like that one and consider it a favorite. For me, it was the first verse[s] that I memorised. My mom had a gold-plated plaque hanging on the bathroom wall and well, I won’t elaborate, but it made for good reading!