Searching...

A question was posed to me recently that has been weighing on me a little bit. "Where has that woman gone?" To put it in perspective, I was speaking with a colleague about various things and one of the topics that came up was my life in the Navy. Primarily, the responsibilities I held and who I was in those roles. So he asked me where that person has gone and how do I get her back?

The simple answer is "I don't know."

You see, when a person lives with depression, in any form, they tend to lose a part of themselves. I have battled this ugly disease for years and years. I have asked myself on numerous occasions "When did I become this person?" in varying forms. I lost a lot of my spirit. A lot of my life, over the years. I sometimes look at pictures of myself and don't recognize the woman in them. It's truly sad!

I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy in writing this post. I am simply putting it out there. For the world to see. To read. To understand. Depression is a demon, to put it mildly. And while God allows us to wrestle with the enemy, He doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I am still searching for the woman I used to be, but I think it's time I just start becoming the woman I am meant to be. God designed me. He created me. He gave me a purpose. It's up to me, through HIM and HIS strength, to realise who I am in HIM. And to stop searching in the past.