May 8, 2019

Where has the year gone? I don't get on here nearly as much as I'd like. This year is flying by so quickly. Most days I can't decide if I'm coming or going, lol. Well, last week I was given the option to slow down for a minute. Not an option I would have chosen. Not that I don't want to slow my life down, I do. However, sometimes God intervenes and says "OK, since you won't slow down for yourself, I will give you a reason to." Yea, God, I listened. 

On April 29 I went to the local Veteran's Hospital ER with what I thought might be heart issues. While I was getting ready for work I had symptoms of what might have been a heart attack. By the time supper rolled around, I was being admitted for surgery to have my gallbladder removed. So yes, I have had to slow down a little recently. Unfortunately, this also means a serious change in my diet. I really have to limit my sugar, fat, and fried food intake. I had already been working on that when this came about. 

One week later, I am on the mend. I am ready to go back to work. 

Since I had some off time, you would think I would have done some work on one of my WIPs. Nope. When it rains it pours. I won't go into the details. I am well and that is what really matters. 

And what is going on with our Congress anyway? They are so full of ignorance anymore. 😒 Tired of the news. 

Not much to say

But so much on my mind. I get annoyed so easily anymore. Especially when I feel like a bomb is going to drop. I've been untrusting of certain people for a long time now. It's not really their fault. Well, not completely. A few have earned my distrust. Which is truly sad. For them and me. There's a lot about my life I don't divulge easily. More for protection so that kind of hurt can never cross me again. Also because I just don't want to talk about it.

When I find myself questioning things, I don't do what I should do: Trust God. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't know. What I do know is my questions don't seem to get answers until I do turn it over to HIM. And even then I don't always like HIS answer. That makes me human, I suppose. And I don't think I'd want to be anything other than human. Certainly not super-human! I'll leave that to Superman and the like. LOL

So where am I going with this post? I don't think far, but we'll see.


I attended an event last evening for one of the best programs Pasco County has to offer those who are on government housing assistance. It was both emotional and inspiring. To see these families work their way into a life of self-sufficiency is wonderful. It's God at work in their lives. I didn't just attend, I took part. I took the pictures for the agency. (I was a little disappointed at how they turned out. I even took 2 videos. Turns out the sound didn't pick up. DRATS!) I won't share them here out of respect for their privacy, but I will say that the women who graduated were beautiful and a lot of fun! They have come a long way in their lives, not just financially, but I believe spiritually as well.

So, I reflect on things from my life. Things that happened. Things that didn't happen. Things that won't happen. And I think, things really are not so bad for me. I just need to learn how to trust more. And not trust just anyone, but TRUST HIM!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge HIM, and HE will direct your path. 

~ Proverbs 3:5-6

PS: I am finally getting back into my cross stitching. While I have nothing to share yet (mainly due to my not taking pictures yet), I will share the light that was made specifically for me to do my craft.

It makes my room a whole lot brighter!

Self-Reflection on the 4th

So much is going on in my life right now. If I were to try and blog about it, I'm afraid that the posts would go on forever and be a jumbled mess. For now, I am going to say that I have a much deeper understanding of "battered woman syndrome". I put it in quotes because I'm not sure if I can classify myself as such, but I have been in a somewhat volatile at times relationship for two years, until last week. Unfortunately, I had to call for help for him. I wasn't going to let him die, if indeed that's what he was trying to do. I'm not necessarily afraid of him, when he's sober. He's a lot of fun to be around, half the time. Sometimes he's a bit frustrating. And when he drinks...let's just say alcohol and uncontrolled diabetes DON'T MIX! Now, he's in a safer place where he can't really harm himself, or me for that matter.

As for me, I am trying to just pick up the pieces and keep him in my prayers to God. I pray that God gives him peace, love, understanding. I pray that God fills him with HIS presence. I pray that he finds a healthy way to deal with his depression and alcoholism. I pray for healing. It's difficult to love someone who doesn't love themself, who doesn't know how to really love another. But I do truly love and care for this man with all my being. In this moment, I can't say that there's any kind of a future there, friendship or otherwise. I do know that he will always have a place in my heart.

Two Saturdays ago, we had a wonderful outing. We went to the Hillsborough River State Park and walked the River Rapids Trail. Neither of us are in shape to hike, so this was the best (and shortest) one to walk. Yes, that's him in a couple of the pictures. After our "hike", we went to Applebee's for lunch. We both enjoyed it so much we talked about going back. He's a cook by trade and doesn't like to eat out, so this was a big deal! LOL



Maybe someday we can be friends and do some of the things we talked about doing.

Maybe...
 

Searching...

A question was posed to me recently that has been weighing on me a little bit. "Where has that woman gone?" To put it in perspective, I was speaking with a colleague about various things and one of the topics that came up was my life in the Navy. Primarily, the responsibilities I held and who I was in those roles. So he asked me where that person has gone and how do I get her back?

The simple answer is "I don't know."

You see, when a person lives with depression, in any form, they tend to lose a part of themselves. I have battled this ugly disease for years and years. I have asked myself on numerous occasions "When did I become this person?" in varying forms. I lost a lot of my spirit. A lot of my life, over the years. I sometimes look at pictures of myself and don't recognize the woman in them. It's truly sad!

I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy in writing this post. I am simply putting it out there. For the world to see. To read. To understand. Depression is a demon, to put it mildly. And while God allows us to wrestle with the enemy, He doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I am still searching for the woman I used to be, but I think it's time I just start becoming the woman I am meant to be. God designed me. He created me. He gave me a purpose. It's up to me, through HIM and HIS strength, to realise who I am in HIM. And to stop searching in the past.

HE IS RISEN!!!

 

What's in a name?

I began reading Exodus again yesterday. Yes, again! I lost my place so I started over. Is that silly or what? Nah!!

Anyway, I didn't make it past verse 5 in the first chapter! D'oh!! I couldn't get past the names for some reason. So it made me think "Why are names so important in the Bible anyway?" I began to do a little research on each of the names of Jacob's sons. There was: "Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah; Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph and Benjamin; Dan, Naphtali, Gad, and Asher." (Exodus 1:2-4, NKJV). I looked up the meanings of each name.

Reuben = behold, a son
Simeon = obedient; listening
Levi = attached or pledged
Judah = praised
Issachar = reward; recompense
Zebulun = to honour; to dwell (zaval) or gift; dowry (zeved)
Benjamin (hebrew: Binyamin)= "son of the right hand" or "son of the south"
          (this one is interesting because he was originally named Ben-oni, which means "son or my  
          pain")
Dan = judgment; he judged
Naphtali = wrestling; my struggle
Gad = fortune; luck
Asher = happy; blessed
Joseph = may he add

It's been said that people tend to live up to the meaning of their name. I can see where this is true in Levi as he became the father of the priestly tribe. Benjamin, or Ben-Oni, too as his mother died shortly after his birth.

Think about the name you were given. Have you lived up to its meaning? My name is Julie Ann and according to www.biblical-baby-names.com, Julie means "soft-haired", "youthful" and is Latin for Julia (which I have been called as well.). Julia can be found in the Bible in Romans 16:15. Ann means "grace" and is a derivative of Anna (Greek) or Hannah (Hebrew); found in Luke 2:36, 37. I can say that my hair is not that soft, I do appear youthful, and grace, well it's a work in progress, lol.

Vacation

I've been on vacation for the past week and it's been somewhat refreshing. Somewhat emotional.

My niece graduated high school, magna cum laude, and I couldn't be more proud of her!

Michael (the proud papa), Ariel, and me.

Now she has a few weeks before she heads off to college.

I went to church with one of my aunts on Sunday. I enjoy going with her. Although I do feel like I am at a concert during their worship service, lol.

I have been reading I Peter; well my church is doing a series on it this month and I am reading it on my own in addition... The letters are interesting indeed. One thing that struck me in my reading this week is the following verse:

"...you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house,

 a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices 

acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."

- 1 Peter 2:5 -

I like to think that as I continue to grow I am being built up in Christ. I find that I am able to better speak about the Word, as was evidenced this week while visiting with family. I was able to add to a conversation and feel like it made a difference. 

The Book of Job

I have read through Chapter 3 in the book of Job so far. I am taking part in a Bible Study through Good Morning Girls. If you're not familiar, click on the button to the left or on the link in this post.

So, as I said, I have read through chapter 3. Normally when I read Job I just plow right through it. I have read it several times in my life. It is my all time favorite book. This time, however, I am reading it in a different manner. I am taking my time, moving at the pace of the Bible Study, and reflecting on what I read. So far, I feel like I am getting more out of it than I did in previous reads.

This book is primarily about suffering and what we do in difficult times. Namely, how we handle the storms in life. I know I need a lot of work in this area. I think that's why Job appeals to me so much: I can relate. I just wish I would allow these teachings to sink in; like the phrase "Storms in life" referring to Peter walking on water and keeping his eyes on Jesus. Once he moves his eyes away, he begins drowning. We all need this reminder.

Even though this is a quick post, I felt compelled to get it out.

2015 in Review

Well, the year is coming to a close and I really haven't done much on this blog. I feel somewhat ashamed of that, but I must press forward.

2015 began on a sour note for me, personally. Spiritually, I have found that I am taking baby steps, STILL. When will I finally have total discipline to my walk with Christ? I ask for guidance, His plan for my life, on a fairly regular basis. Sometimes I feel like He's there, and others not so much. I know that I have made mistakes this year; who hasn't. I'd like to think I have learned from some of them anyway.

So here I sit with 2016 looming around the corner and the only thing I can say is I'm thankful! Yes, I am thankful for the life I have. I have come a long way over the past 12 months in my mental health. Oh, I still have up's and down's. But I am learning to handle them a little better, S.L.O.W.L.Y. I spent much of the first couple of months hiding from the world. I would go to my appointments, work, church, etc. But basically I didn't want to be bothered.

During this time, I kept asking for God to show me what He wants from me. I wasn't sure if I would ever be truly happy again. I wasn't even sure if He wanted me to be with anyone. After the way 2014 ended and 2015 began, I wasn't even sure if I wanted anyone either. So I stuck to my guns and kept my nose in the Good Book not really looking for answers. Simply reading. Reading things that X pointed out to me. Reading bits that went a little deeper into the week's message from church. Sometimes even just opening and reading whatever page appeared. Not really a reading plan, but a start.

That started to change as summer crept closer.

My job sent me to Denver, once again, for the final class I needed. It was great to be away for a few days. After my return, I turned around and went on vacation for almost 2 weeks!! I needed that getaway. While on this vacation, I visited family in Alabama and Michigan and then found myself going to the East Coast (Let's just say that sour note turned sweet again and while we have obstacles to jump over we are looking toward the future). I traveled through 17 states during an 11 day period. 3,328 miles of roadway, scenery, and adventure! I'll post pictures another time.

So what do I have to look forward to in 2016 you might ask? Well, I have God first and foremost. I have love. I have health. I have my jobs. I am planning to go back to Michigan in June to watch my niece graduate high school. I (we) am (are) also planning the biggest adventure of my life: relocating across country. More on that later.

My heart and soul seeks Jesus every single day.

Proverbs

I haven’t finished Acts yet and I haven’t started with the Good Morning Girls readings in Proverbs. I am a bad, lazy Christian, lol.

I have been keeping up with “A.D. The Bible Continues” on NBC though. I think tonight is the final episode in the series, but not certain.

What have I been up to, you may wonder, since I have been neglecting my reading. Well, I was in Denver for a week for another class at NVTI, UC Denver. I had a good time, as I always do out there. Spent much of my free time wishing I didn’t have to leave there but alas my job was waiting. This coming week I am heading out again. This time to visit family and friends for a couple of weeks. It’s a long overdue, much needed vacation. Here are some pictures from my trip west.

Denver VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

When I returned to my office, my computer decided to rebel in a BIG way. I was without it for about a day over the course of 2 days. I can’t imagine what’s gonna happen in July when I come back from vacation, lol!

We’ve also been experiencing some incredible orange sunsets the past couple of nights.

Orange Skies VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Last night there was a partial rainbow in the mix. I love the tropics!

Well, I will get back into my reading. I NEED to get back into my reading and develop a HABIT of reading my Bible every single day.

The Abundant Life…

…not the redundant life.

In church this morning our Pastor made this statement based on the readings. We started a new series simply titled “Go!” As Christians, we are commanded to love one another. We are also commanded to “Go and make disciples” in the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19).

Acts

I began reading the Book of Acts a couple of weeks ago mainly because of the show “A.D.: the Bible Continues” on NBC. I realized that this show is covering the Acts of the Apostles and wanted to felt the need to read it. I guess that would be the Spirit nudging me.

Anyway, last week our church held a workshop over a couple of evenings and the presenter kept bringing up the Book of Acts. I thought that was a pretty powerful sign as well.

Sunday, the pastor ended a series with Acts 2. Hmmmmm, another sign!

I promise I am getting somewhere!

Sooo, I am now in Chapter 3 and find myself wanting to re-read what I’ve read in order to continue on into the next chapter. After discussing my struggle with the cares pastor, I find her suggestion to be more helpful: just read it through like a story the first time then go back and read it more in depth.

What I can say with some certainty is that it is in chapter 2 where we find the founding of the church. It amazes me every single day how profound that is and how much of an influence Jesus has in my life. Now, in the workshop last week, there was a question posed (one that I ask myself often): Who am I? Have you ever wondered who you are? Who you are in Christ. It’s a difficult question to answer even now.

I know that I am:

• a daughter of God
• a child of God
• a woman
• a teacher
• a veteran
• a friend
• a sister
• a daughter

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. But to really know who I am in the eyes of God, who I am in Christ, that’s going to take more thought. In life group tonight we discussed this as well. I have even more perspective: Who I am in Christ goes to not just an encounter with Him but when my knowledge of him clicked on in my heart; knowledge not just in the head.

So, who am I?

Crocus and Faith

I noticed something the other day as I was heading out to work. A little back story: John planted some crocus the weekend before he left. This was a little more than a month ago. Well, the other day I noticed something poking through the soil in the pots.

Crocus VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

While I miss him greatly and know that he may not be back (that is up to God), I am grateful for all he did for me while in my life. These crocus will serve as a reminder of renewal in my life and the love I hold for this man. No matter how hurt and angry I have been over the past few weeks, I know how I feel deep down. I only wish he could have believed the truth of my love for him. Either way, and despite all of the turmoil, I have forgiven him and pray for him to find peace in his life, wherever he may be.

Since he left, I have been meeting with one of my pastor’s on a weekly basis (well, missed 1 week but that’s ok). I am focusing myself on talking with God on a daily basis and working on my faith. I have always believed in Jesus and His sacrifice for my sins; since I was a little girl. I haven’t always walked the right path. This is what I am focused on learning: God’s path for my life.

I don’t know what He holds for my future, but I do know He is allowing the crocus to grow. A sign of His promises to us.

God’s Timing

God’s timing is perfect. There are reasons He makes us wait. He is trying to prepare us for all He has in store for us.

God’s Timing VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Ok, so I am impatient in many ways. I am learning to find myself again after what can only be described as the best and not quite worst 5 months of my life. I had love, or so I thought, from a great guy. At first he treated me well. Took care of our home. Prepared meals for me; including my lunches for work. No, he didn’t have a job outside the home. That was our arrangement since he needed to acclimate to the weather and I made enough to support us. I am not saying he couldn’t get a job if he wanted one. He just didn’t seem to want one; until that one offer came along. I won’t go into details.

I really love this man and thought he was the one God intended for me. I was wrong! I do believe God brought him into my life for a reason. Quite possibly to help me get out of the rut I was in since my dad passed away in 2012. I just know that my feelings are genuine and it’s been a difficult couple of weeks since he left but God does have a plan for me and my life. He has someone chosen just for me. His plan was formed before I even existed. I just have to wait on His timing!

I found this image while looking for others on God’s Timing and thought it perfect to end this post:

(Too bad we can’t use this on Facebook!)

New Laptop

I just want to start by saying I hate Windows 8 and have a strong dislike for Microsoft Office 365 right now.

I am back in the world of Windows OS. I am excited to get back to using Windows Live Writer for my blogging. I have missed that application so much. Right now, however, I am using the Blogger platform to write this post as I can't get my log-in correct (even after changing my password) on Live Writer to connect it to this blog. Grrr!

Additionally, I keep thinking about all of the things I need to do around the house so that I can get back into my stitching. I have missed doing that as well. Unfortunately, the ex BF (recent development) packed away all of my hoops somewhere. This means I have to go through boxes in the front bedroom to find them. Oh well! Weekend project!!

So, as you may have figured out, I have gone through a break-up recently. No, I am not looking for sympathy or "I'm sorry" from anyone. Just stating facts. His loss! He chose to leave. As for me, I went to my deep dark place last week. My faith in God is what has pulled me through and kept me strong enough. With that, I will leave you with a verse that kept coming to mind (as well as Facebook and opening up to the page it is on in my Bible):

Healing Is In Your Hands

Last week I dealt with some major heartbreak. This week I am healing thanks to God!

It's gonna be a long road though. I can only keep my eyes focused on God.

Anger Danger

I recently read on a bank's sign the following sentiment:

"Anger is just one letter short of danger."

There is so much truth in this. Anger is "a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire" according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anger. We all get angry at times. But what does the Bible say about anger? Well, I did a little digging and came up with some verses about anger that I want to share.

I especially like the one in Ephesians and try to live by that; not going to bed angry. You see, anger is not just a sin. It's unhealthy. But it IS a SIN!

I found this verse while searching the others and thought it a fitting way to end this post:

In our anger, we can oftentimes find ourselves in the midst of a dangerous situation. I encourage you that if you have issues with anger, please turn it over to our Heavenly Father. We can do all things through Him who gives us strength.

Love is patient...

Have you ever read this verse and wondered what does this mean? The more I read and study the Bible, the more questions I have. Especially as I find myself lacking patience waiting on the Lord to show me His will for my life. I was told that one way to study is to break down each verse. Chew on the adjectives, if you will. Like the word "patient" describing "love". What I have found is interesting in and of itself.

I first looked up the terms for the different forms of "love" as found in the Bible. There is "agape" which is the very nature of God - an action, "phileo" or having affection for (not to be confused with "eros"), and "storge" which is familial love & affection. Understanding that this verse is speaking more to the action of love, I moved on to understand the word "patient".

This is what I found. Patient, or hupomone (hoop-om-o-nay) in Greek, is being willing to wait. Another term used in the Bible is "long-suffering" or patient endurance; patiently bearing difficulties or wrongs. I also looked at some of the synonyms: forbearing and tolerant. Forbearing is to be tolerant or patient in spite of provocation and tolerant is marked by forbearance or endurance.

I find myself feeding into provocation thereby being unforbearing and impatient.

A trait I need to work on with the grace and strength of God.

Why do I write about this topic? Well, not just to inform you, my readers, but to help me put some perspective on storms happening in my life right now. I won't bore you with details. Just know that when one begins to grow their relationship with the Lord, the devil comes out in full force. And he sure has with me.

The Great Commission

Throughout the New Testament, we are given lots of commands from Jesus. One of them is "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." (John 13: 34, NIV). Another command is for us to go and make disciples as referenced above in the image. 

What does this mean to "go and make disciples"? It means that we, as Christians, followers of Jesus Christ, are to go out into the world and spread His good news! We are not to just merely go to our family and friends; our immediate circle. No, we are to go up to strangers when we see them in need and share the gospel. 

Jesus had 12 disciples - in his inner circle - however, He virtually has millions of disciples in today's world. 

Let me put it to you another way:

A disciple is not just a follower of Jesus Christ. A disciple is also a student of Jesus Christ and his teachings. 

Does that make more sense? I sure hope so...

I may delve into this at a later date, after further study and reflection. Other topics I am hoping to share with you in the near future include keeping the Sabbath and what the actual Sabbath day is; end times / prophecy; and some of the Proverbs.

Communion

Do you take communion in church? Growing up, I always equated this with the Catholic church. I remember going to mass with my aunt, uncle and cousins one Sunday as a kid and going up for communion. One of my cousins got really upset because I was not a practicing Catholic nor was I confirmed. The priest didn't seem to mind though. And I think my aunt and uncle secretly hoped I would become Catholic.

Anyway, today was Communion in church. I am always perplexed about receiving the communion. Even when I repent my sins and ask forgiveness I still sometimes feel I shouldn't receive it. Today was one of those days for me, but I repented and took communion.

The Lord gave us very valuable tools in his teachings. I feel this one is probably one of the most valuable after Love God and Love your neighbor. It reminds us of his sacrifice for us.