Followers

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Self-Reflection on the 4th

So much is going on in my life right now. If I were to try and blog about it, I'm afraid that the posts would go on forever and be a jumbled mess. For now, I am going to say that I have a much deeper understanding of "battered woman syndrome". I put it in quotes because I'm not sure if I can classify myself as such, but I have been in a somewhat volatile at times relationship for two years, until last week. Unfortunately, I had to call for help for him. I wasn't going to let him die, if indeed that's what he was trying to do. I'm not necessarily afraid of him, when he's sober. He's a lot of fun to be around, half the time. Sometimes he's a bit frustrating. And when he drinks...let's just say alcohol and uncontrolled diabetes DON'T MIX! Now, he's in a safer place where he can't really harm himself, or me for that matter.

As for me, I am trying to just pick up the pieces and keep him in my prayers to God. I pray that God gives him peace, love, understanding. I pray that God fills him with HIS presence. I pray that he finds a healthy way to deal with his depression and alcoholism. I pray for healing. It's difficult to love someone who doesn't love themself, who doesn't know how to really love another. But I do truly love and care for this man with all my being. In this moment, I can't say that there's any kind of a future there, friendship or otherwise. I do know that he will always have a place in my heart.

Two Saturdays ago, we had a wonderful outing. We went to the Hillsborough River State Park and walked the River Rapids Trail. Neither of us are in shape to hike, so this was the best (and shortest) one to walk. Yes, that's him in a couple of the pictures. After our "hike", we went to Applebee's for lunch. We both enjoyed it so much we talked about going back. He's a cook by trade and doesn't like to eat out, so this was a big deal! LOL



Maybe someday we can be friends and do some of the things we talked about doing.

Maybe...
 

Monday, June 19, 2017

What does it mean to disciple?

The past few Sundays, we've been learning about being a disciple of Christ.Well, really we learn something about this EVERY Sunday, lol. Anyway, this past Sunday, a few things stood out to me that I wanted to expand on here as a word study.

To begin, the definition of "disciple", according to Merriam-Webster is one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another: such as Christianity: one of the 12 in the inner circle of Christ's followers according to the Gospel accounts, or a convinced adherent of a school or individual (i.e. disciple of Freud).

Dictionary.com defines it as this: (1) Religion (one of the 12 personal followers of Christ; one of the 70 followers sent forth by Christ; any other professed follower of Christ in His lifetime); (2) any follower of Christ; (3) a member of the Disciples of Christ; (4) a person who is a pupil or an adherent of the doctrines of another; follower.

So pretty much, these two definitions seem to match. And what's more, they both use a couple of words that are synonyms of "disciple:" adherent, follower. Other synonyms include: student, pupil, teacher, mentor, influence, learn.



But what does it mean to BE a disciple? Well, from what I understand of the Bible and teachings of Jesus it means to be a student of Him and His teachings. To follow Him and live out His teachings in our daily lives. To teach others about Him. To spread the Good News! Jesus even commanded us, his followers, to share Him with others in Matthew 28:19.



Saturday, May 6, 2017

Searching...

A question was posed to me recently that has been weighing on me a little bit. "Where has that woman gone?" To put it in perspective, I was speaking with a colleague about various things and one of the topics that came up was my life in the Navy. Primarily, the responsibilities I held and who I was in those roles. So he asked me where that person has gone and how do I get her back?

The simple answer is "I don't know."

You see, when a person lives with depression, in any form, they tend to lose a part of themselves. I have battled this ugly disease for years and years. I have asked myself on numerous occasions "When did I become this person?" in varying forms. I lost a lot of my spirit. A lot of my life, over the years. I sometimes look at pictures of myself and don't recognize the woman in them. It's truly sad!

I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy in writing this post. I am simply putting it out there. For the world to see. To read. To understand. Depression is a demon, to put it mildly. And while God allows us to wrestle with the enemy, He doesn't give us more than we can handle.


I am still searching for the woman I used to be, but I think it's time I just start becoming the woman I am meant to be. God designed me. He created me. He gave me a purpose. It's up to me, through HIM and HIS strength, to realise who I am in HIM. And to stop searching in the past.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

It's just not the same...

So on my Facebook memories came up a picture from 2013 when I made a Cherry Chip cake with Cherry Frosting. I am now craving a cherry chip cake with cherry frosting. The only problem is, I am in Florida and the cherry chip cake mix is in Michigan. At least that's the only place I can find it. At Meijer!

So I shared that Facebook memory and my angst today with a subtle hint about sending me a care package. I wonder if she will actually do it, lol! She hasn't actually commented on it yet. Hmmm...


So, my boy friend made a pumpkin spice cake a few days ago and used some cherry frosting we happened to have. It was good! I like spice cake. 

But, it's just not the same...

Tonight, I'm going to be dreaming about Cherry Chip cake with Cherry Frosting.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Friday, April 21, 2017

Death!

In the past week, I have had 2 deaths in my family. This brings the grand total to 3 for the last month. I am through with death!

On Easter Sunday, I lost an uncle. He was 75 and it was unexpected. He was planning his wedding for this summer.

I found out this morning that a cousin of mine lost her son, tragically, by his own hand. Suicide is so prevalent in the world today. I have been to the brink myself a few times. The last time was in 1998 when I was hospitalized. That and my faith in GOD is what keeps me from going there again. I cannot imagine what his mom (my cousin) is going through right now. I can only keep her in prayer, and the rest of the family.

This is a chapter from the Bible that is used quite often at funerals and memorials. It was the very first verse(s) I memorized. I am sharing this rendition of it as it gives insight as to the meaning of each line. Please take a few moments to read it through.


I encourage you, if you haven't already, please take that first step in accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour!

And if you ever know of someone who is hurting to the point they want to kill themselves, even if it's as subtle as "I just wish I were dead" or they are more depressed than usual, get them help!

Sunday, April 16, 2017